When your days of being a young buck are over, your hair is thinning and your waist thickening, sometimes you have to get real and adopt new tactics to get your sexual kicks.

Face it, your act is getting stale, you’re getting passed over at work and overlooked by the babes. Now is the time to rediscover your libido with the Autoblow Blast.

The Autoblow won’t in all likelihood get you a pay raise, but it will raise something else, and instead of contemplating what might have been, you can sit back and enjoy what’s happening right here and now.

The Autoblow doesn’t care what you look like or whether you ask it nicely to give you a blowjob. You can rage and ramble at the Autoblow all day if the mood takes you, and it will still blow you every bit as good, riding your cock up and down, up and down just as fast as you want to take it.

Of course being a grumpy old man, nothing is good as it should be or used to be. Women are ruder, and more assertive, cars are smaller and a lot more boring, you can’t abide the way your son’s jeans hang half way down his ass and the word ‘dinsoaur’ is increasingly mumbled in your presence.

We say screw ‘em. Screw ‘em all. Just order yourself the Autoblow Blast and it will be with you in quiet, unobtrusive plain packaging in just a few days. To hell with the carbon footprint, you need a blowjob.

After a few meaningful sessions with the Autoblow, your perkiness and friskiness of youth will return and girls will start to take notice again. Suddenly you’re not old  but mature, your hair is not grey but silver, you’re not exhausted but experienced. Well you can believe all that fairytale stuff if you want to, but the important thing is that you you’re getting an authentic blowjob from the best automatic blowjob machine on the planet: www.roboticblowjob.com

Masturbation for men and religion are very uneasy bedfellows in a number of religions, but those that you thought might condemn it the most don’t, and some you thought might be more lenient get very worked up when the subject turns to five fingered Mary.

Roman Catholicism

Well, no surprises here, Roman Catholics are vehemently opposed to the concept of self abuse and view it as a venial sin, which is a forgiveable sin but keep confessing this one and your soul is going to linger in Purgatory a whole lot longer than Bernie Madoff is going to be in jail.

Episcopalian

As an Episcopalian there is no right or wrong indicated for masturbation for men, which normally means that they have not cogitated (a fancy word for thinking, not monkey spanking) over the issue. So this means as an Episcopalian it’s really do as you feel.

Jewish

Not encouraged or condoned, but by the same token, beating the meat won’t send you on a one way ticket to Valhalla either.

Muslim

Like Roman Catholicism, Islam is a complete lifestyle religion with a position on every facet of life, and yet surprisingly the Muslim stand on waxing the dolphin is relaxed. They belief pragmatically, that as there is no way to prohibit it, it should not be deemed a sin, but it is certainly not regarded as a desirable habit.

Mormon

Spilling the seed without the aim of procreation is  totally ‘permission denied.’ You get married, you procreate, you do not recreate by hand jiving with the one eyed trouser snake.

Baptist

Surprisingly, no position is taken either way in the Baptist faith, but best not to push your luck by asking your Baptist Minister after Sunday Service

Buddhist

Once again, Buddhists are fence sitters when it comes to the subject of punishing Percy.

Unitarianism

Unlike many religions, the Unitarian Church believes in helping people find their own spiritual path rather than defining it for them. The same applies to self pleasuring, do as you feel and feel as you like.

When the topics turns to masturbation for men – well,  aren’t guys are lucky to have so many imaginative ways to pleasure themselves! Here are but a few:

Pillowing
Place a couple of pillows down on the bed and insert your penis in between them. Then thrust your penis in and out simulating intercourse.

Water whacking
It’s definitely good for what ails you. Here are a couple of ideas for you for the next time you want to try some masturbation for men in the shower or while taking a bath:

Waterfall
Position yourself so that the water will spray over your cock. Get yourself near enough to the bathtub faucet, the shower nozzle, or even a garden hose if you don’t mind the feel of cold water.

Shower Power
You need a hand-held shower head for this masturbation for men technique. Direct the spray at the back of your cock, the spot where the head and the shaft meet. This can produce some very pleasurable feelings.

Soap on a dope
The shower is always a great place for masturbation for men, it’s warm and comfy. A great place to fantasize as you stroke your lathered cock until you cum.

Belly Rub
For this masturbation for men technique, get into a comfortable position on your back. Lube up and make your penis very slick. Curl the tips of your fingers lightly around the top half of the shaft and stroke the full length of your penis. The lower half of the penis will rub against your belly, hence the scratching.

A good scratch
There’s nothing like the satisfying sensation of scratching your balls. It’s paradise.  Gently scratch your fingernails over the surface of your balls. Alternate between doing this and massaging gently around the area surrounding each ball individually. Your cock will become ramrod hard and quick to shoot.

A search of the internet reveals some fascinating religious beliefs , myths and urban legends on what exactly over indulgence in masturbation for men can bring about.

Some believe men with dark circles under their eyes have them as a result of excessive masturbation.  No matter how ridiculous this may sound it does have a grain of truth, for undoubtedly if you indulge in masturbation all night you will have dark circles under your eyes. It is a self fulfilling prophecy.

Dark circles under the eyes pale into insignificance compared to one campaigning lady’s battle to  put an end to masturbation for men. She says you can tell a man has been over indulging by looking for the following tell-tale symptoms:
•He may feel fatigue or tired all the time
•He may have lower back pain
•He might face the problem of thinning hair or hair loss
•He might be feeling soft or have the weak erection
•He may suffer from the condition that actually called premature ejaculation
•He may have his eye flickering or the problem of fuzzy vision
•He might be having groin or the testicular pain
•He might actually live feeling pain or cramp in the pelvic cavity or/and tailbone.
•In worse cases, sufferers fall into pitfalls of impotence and the problem of hair loss.

Now we know what all those thousands of middle aged guys with hair loss and back pain have been up to! Who’da thunk it!

Meanwhile the Muslim faith, for whom masturbation for men is haram, (forbidden)  has an unequivocal remedy to wean yourself off the pleasuring of the priapus:

Visualize and meditate on the ugliness of this heinous sin of masturbation for men and conjure up images of hell fire as painted in the Qur’an and the Sunnah as many times as possible until such time that whenever you are tempted to visit such websites or read such magazines, the scenes of hell fire will be playing in your mind. Thus, even as you have associated this addiction with pleasure, you will come to associate it with pure pain and suffering.

No wonder there is so much pain and suffering in this world!